I don’t think I am a flirt
Or am I ;)
Am I a flirt? I do like to tease girls. But does that make me a flirt? I think I do flirt sometimes but why do people assume that when I am joking around with them I am actually flirting with them? Why don’t I make myself clear? Maybe I want to be a flirt. Maybe I do like it. When I flirt with girls they pay attention to me, they tell me things that I like to hear. Perhaps the reason I flirt is because so that I can get affirmation. But why do I need that? I never had it in jr. high or high school, none of the girls told me how good I looked, or how strong I was. I didn’t flirt in high school. I couldn’t date in jr. high and high school. So what started it? Was it when girls started paying attention to me? When did that happen? I started dating when I was a junior. I had to flirt with her to let her know I was interested. Was that what did it? It must have been. Did she start flirting or did I? She was always pretty forward and pursued what she wanted; I think she started flirting with me first. Yes I know she did because she showed me a letter that she wrote for me a long time before we started dating. Ok so I started flirting to let a girl know that I was interested in her back and wanted to pursue a relationship with her. That relationship lasted for two years. Fast forward to the end of those two years, it’s the second semester of my freshman year of college. I really didn’t flirt with anyone last year and I didn’t really catch the attention of anyone because I had a gorgeous and wonderful girlfriend to occupy all my time and energy. So now take that girlfriend away and now I go from feeling like the most amazing, wonderful, strong, gorgeous male on the planet to feeling alone. There is no longer anyone telling me how good I look, how cool I am, how strong my arms are, how safe I make them feel. So what do I do to fill that gap? I start looking for affirmation from girls and for the first time a revelation hits me, the way to get girls to pay attention to me is to flirt with them. No flirting equals no attention from girls which means in my mind I must not be as attractive and as awesome I thought I was.
So I guess that means I am a flirt, I flirt so I can get girls to pay attention to me and feel better about myself.
Am I ok with that?
Glenni,
ReplyDeleteI will tell you that you are a wonderful man of God and know how to make someone feel good about themselves. You are strong and confident and (however embarrassed I may to actually say this) damn good looking. You emit strength and security. I know that you will find the right one someday. Keep your head up and NEVER lower your standards.